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This was written one year after my mother lost her battle with mental health, and why I am a deathworker now. Trigger Warnings: Suicide, self harm, graphic gore, graphic language, the f word, photos with bloodstains. Facebook reminded me of this via its memories feature [thanks!] – so here is my personal grief story. I […]

There’s a weird assumption in end-of-life culture—especially in “conscious” or “spiritual” dying spaces—that awareness and peace mean quiet. That if you’re dying with intention, it should look calm, subdued, dignified, softly lit, maybe with some pan flutes in the background. You know what I say? To hell with that. Conscious dying doesn’t have to be […]

Let’s kill the myth that death is supposed to fix everything. That dying somehow erases abuse. That terminal illness softens toxic relationships. That just because you’re facing the end, you should suddenly want everyone you cut out to come rushing back in. That the people who went no contact with you should suddenly regret it and […]

Let’s talk about one of the most toxic expectations placed on dying people: “You’re so brave.” “You’re such an inspiration.” “You’re handling this so gracefully.” Sounds kind, right? But most of the time, what they really mean is: “You’re dying the way I want you to.” Polite. Quiet. Heroic. Palatable. Not inconvenient. Not real. Not […]

There’s a performance people expect when you’re dying. They want you peaceful. Smiling softly. Speaking in whispers. Radiating serenity like you’re already halfway to angel status. They want you graceful. Let me tell you something: You don’t owe anyone grace while you’re dying. Grace is beautiful when it’s real. But grace as a performance? As […]

(At Least Not the Kind You’ve Been Told to Chase) Let me set something straight right out of the gate: I believe in legacy. I believe in what we leave behind—the words, the memories, the imprints of our choices on the people we love. I talk about it all the time. On my podcast. With […]

One of the biggest lies we sell the dying is this: “No regrets.” It sounds good in a song. Looks cute on a bumper sticker. Makes a nice needlepoint. But let’s get real: No regrets is a myth. And worse—it’s a weapon when we use it against people facing the end of their lives. Here’s […]

Let’s talk about the grotesque little performance we expect from dying people. We want them to be wise. Gentle. Humble. Loving. Full of poetic last words and life-affirming hugs. We want them to be graceful symbols of forgiveness and family unity. Basically, we want them to be puppets for our morality plays. Let me be […]

Say it with me—louder this time: Needing care doesn’t make you a burden. Being sick doesn’t make you a burden. Dying doesn’t make you a burden. Let’s torch this toxic idea once and for all. The Lie You’ve Been Fed We live in a world that worships independence like it’s goddamn gospel. Be self-sufficient. Don’t […]